I hope this email finds you well

The dreaded intro line of an email written by AI: “I hope this email finds you well.”

This email found me easily because the sender typed in my email address. I’m not well, though, because I received my 400th email from a chatbot who writes like an overcaffeinated pompous android, instead of from the student who signed their name.

Other tell-tale clauses of the bot include: “After careful consideration,” “However,” “I want to express my gratitude,” “Please know,” “As I reflect on,” “After carefully reviewing,” “While I understand,” “That said,” “I would be grateful if,” and more gibberish that sounds alien, completely unlike actuals humans speak or write. Begin with plenty of brown-nosing and effusive appreciation, before the profusion of hard work and professed dedication, and end with an earnest request for an advantage over others requiring an unethical exception to the syllabus policies that govern the course. That’s the proven formula for getting a professor to do the thing they should not do.

Perhaps professors should cut and paste these emails back into ChatGPT and ask the bot to write a response to itself that the professor can use a reply to the students who used the chatty ghostwriter to contact the professor in the first place. The circle of non-life.

April’s goldilocks

While I jogged this morning, fighting gravity up the hills while my left sock drooped into my shoe, sweat dripped down my back, and my brain took inventory that “nothing hurts yet,” I felt the glory of an April day in every sense.

I smelled sweet honeysuckle. I heard crazy cicadas. I watched the new green of baby leaves against a blue sky, and the road rolling by under my feet as I tried not to crush random cicadas struggling on their backs. A breeze stirred the air, while the morning sun warmed my skin, in a perfect spring balance. Just right. Like a caramel and fudge banana split under a blanket of homemade whipped cream.

It was a diamond of a day.

Another adventure

Six months ago, I was invited on a new adventure. A dozen friends in my writers’ group wanted to publish an anthology and needed an editor. At the time the idea was made of talk and hope and dreams. Someone had to swirl those thoughts into book form. When the publisher asked me to be the Editor-in-Chief, I gave it careful consideration as I always do when I add a major time commitment to my full schedule. My first thought, as an engineer, is that I’d need a big spreadsheet. My second thought was more wispy: how to heard so many cats.

I have no fear of a challenge and I already very carefully organize my time to maximize my use of every minute I’m lucky to live. And I love new adventures, even as an old woman (well, not that old). I recently learned to play piano, ran a half marathon, baked twenty pies in a year, overcame my fear to cannonball into the lake (I do plug my nose). I’m Grammy to five new humans. I even read the news every day. That’s exciting.

The timeline was short: publication in just six months and our writers were just beginning to write fresh (or revise old) stories. Some had never been published, had never undergone the often gut-wrenching editing process, or faced the feeling of “oh, no, I have to work on this again? I thought we were done.” And some did not even know what Track Changes are. The learning curve would be steep. So, I asked the publisher for clarification of my authority and responsibility, along with the goal of publication. Did they just want a published collection of whatever each writer wanted to submit, or would I have authority to decide what was included and push the editing until each piece met that standard? I was assured I’d have that authority. Knowing the deep and complex writing skills of this group, the beautiful variety of their writing voices, and how much I enjoy working with them in our meetings, I agreed to edit, with the goal of producing a polished diamond of an anthology.

The Heartbeat of Quiet Streets is just that gem I envisioned, but even more beautiful. The pieces produced by our writing team of ten are all so different. There are a few poems sprinkled in among long and short stories of fiction and nonfiction. Our stories can shake your heart in fear and provide the relief of humor. I am so proud of our writers and their unique stories and hope you will give our book a look. It is FREE for five days on Kindle right now until April 25. Free is the best way to taste something new. Share the link and help us get the word out to the world about our collection. And if you love it like I do, the paperback will be available on Amazon in about a week.

running for your life

A little list of lessons for life, learned from thinking while running–well, in my case, trying not to think while jogging, barking back at dogs, dodging puddles and cars, trying to keep red mud off my white sneakers, and wondering if the rain will ever stop.

• Uphills make you stronger.
• Uphills count twice.
• Uphill looks like U-fill. Best to separate the p from the u.
• After every uphill is a downhill.
• Downhills count.
• Never make decisions on a downhill.
• Notice the downhills.
• Life is a battle with gravity.
• Enjoy the downhills.
• Don’t worry about an uphill while riding a downhill.
• You can’t stop if you don’t start.
• Stopping is glorious.
• That tingling in your feet can’t last the whole ten miles.
• Music always helps.
• Your body can crave a banana at weird times.
• You can run farther than you thought.
• Life is a journey of stamina, not speed.

Back out there at SCWA Storyfest

The last time I went to a writing conference I signed with an agent. Since then, I’ve independently published seven books, written screenplays based on two novels, blogged dozens of pies and COVID insights, and started two new books–one sci-fi thriller of an A.L.F. brought back to earth, with twists of genetic engineering and time travel, and a memoir of stories from five-year-old me, always confused by the world and certain there was something wrong with everyone else.

Now I’m going back. South Carolina Writers Association is holding their Storyfest conference and I’ll attend as a published author and owner of a small independent press, LMNO Press–with quite a different (and less stressed) perspective than my last conference. This time I’ll listen more, learn as I can, and maybe teach someone what I know. I might submit pages at slushfest, read at an open mic, and attend a crazy speed pitch dating/meeting. I’ll be on the lookout for potential authors to edit or publish in the future. And I’ll try to emerge from my quiet shell to network with talent from across the state. I hope to see old friends from writers’ groups and meet new ones. I anticipate a few fun days and am thrilled about some quiet evenings to write.

I was sad to learn there’s a $50 fee to rent a table to sell my books, which are heavy (and I’m frugal like my gram). I did the math and I’d need to bring a bunch of books to make back the fee if I sell them cheap. I’d rather attend the seminars anyway. I can’t miss this opportunity to find new readers, though, so my two novels will be free on Kindle (again!) from November 2 – 6, 2023 (for frugal readers looking for good stories to sink into on a chilly Fall evening).

OR NOT TO BE is a time-traveling, life-and-death love story for the most cynical geek: LESSONS IN CHEMISTRY meets THE TIME TRAVELER’S WIFE.

INFINITY LINE is a dystopian saga of a world controlled by women: THE HANDMAID’S TALE cross pollinated with THE POWER.

Alive, Anna considered leaving her husband. Dead, she naively believes she has escaped this difficult choice. How cruel for relationship problems to tag along to the dead side.

OR NOT TO BE, free on Amazon for five days!

In 2072, in a once vibrant metropolis on the eastern coast of what used to be America, biochemist Dr. Lorelei Fletcher hunts men.

INFINITY LINE, free on Amazon for five days!