Numbers make my day (and make me dumber)

I like numbers and I like words.* I string words together into stories and I’m aware of numbers around me all the time. I do these things when my brain takes a break from minute consideration of what all of the atoms and molecules are doing. I don’t sleep much–too many words, numbers, and microscopic particles to think about.

Here’s a good example of my preoccupation. I knew a full day before that it would happen. I’m good with numbers that way. I can count and I drive a lot.

So there’s no excuse when it got closer and yet I made the split-second decision to turn right and get on the highway instead of driving the next fifteen miles on the lazy country road.  I chose speed over safe.  The highway would save me five minutes and in my coffee-buzzed brain some illogical reasoning whispered, “If you drive fast enough, maybe it won’t happen until you exit the highway.” (Moron.)

Yeah. It happened on the highway. When I was within two miles, I decided to occupy the right lane. Within one mile I turned on my old camera so I could document THE EVENT. I held the camera up as steady as I could.

I took only four pictures in the time allowed (which was less than a minute, specifically [(1 mile/70 mph)x60 minutes/h]–you can do the math.) It was early morning, sun coming up behind me, still dark in my little car, so if a cop was lurking nearby, eating his doughnut and watching the cars whiz by, he’d’ve seen the blinding camera flash instantaneously light up the inside of my car four times in 1/70th of an hour.

And then it was over. Too late. Never again. Not in this pretty little car. Time doesn’t really go backwards on Earth. That’s just in my novel.

When I parked at work ten minutes later, I checked my dinosaur camera, relieved that she didn’t fail me. Though my hand was shaking with the vibration of the car, and though the bright camera flash made a white blob which ruined three of the images, one good picture waited for me.

Here it is. Made your day, too, right?


Warning: don’t try this at home. Do not take pictures while driving 70 mph. It’s dumber than texting.

123456 mph

*There are pairs of words which should rhyme. NUMBER and DUMBER are such a pair. Oh, wait. They do rhyme when the first word refers to being more oblivious to pain instead of uno, dos, tres.


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