Your parents don’t drink those tall blue cheap Budweisers (anymore)

The beer cans you drank from last night have revealed a lot about you.

You are young, too young to legally consume ethanol products (aka beer). Old farts like me? We don’t leave our beer cans on the side of the road. You consumed them in the dark at the side of the road–not quietly. You then left them in the ditch or threw them out your car window as you drove (drunk) away. Every person in the hundreds of cars that pass this way saw them, bright blue in the grass, and knew you’d been here, young, immature, doing what kids do.

You don’t want your parents to know you illegally drink ethanol products. Of course you don’t. They’d probably get mad and then demand that you avoid those kids who are making you drink. Oh, you bought the beer? Oh, you’re the one who is making the other kids drink? Come on. Your parents would never believe that.

You don’t really care about the environment like you say you do. Your generation claims to care about the world. When you distribute a twelve-pack of empty blue cans along the green grass beside a country road, you get kicked out of the tree-hugger sustainability club. I know, I know–you couldn’t bring them home or you’d get caught. Your parents would see them in the recycling bin and know they were not theirs. Your parents don’t drink those tall blue cheap Budweisers (anymore).

You are insecure and immature; you care very much about what your friends (who are also young and immature) think of you. The beer cans didn’t tell me this part. But I still think it’s true. Poor, pitiful, pathetic you. You have so much growing up to do. The good news is that, though you’d deny it vehemently, you do care what your parents think of you or else you’d have just brought those Bud cans home. Or maybe you don’t really care what anyone thinks of you, but your parents’ money, earned from the jobs they’ve diligently worked for decades, is a vital part of your existence that you won’t risk by telling the truth. Got it.

I’m sorry if this sounds like a diatribe about underage drinking. It is not. I would make the same complaint if you ate twelve bags of legal Doritos and left them at the side of the road for me to pick up. My peeve is all about the littering. Tonight, how about dumping your Bud cans in a public trash, though, to at least get them off the side of the road? You have every right to be young and foolish. But quit leaving messes for us to clean up after you.


4 thoughts on “Your parents don’t drink those tall blue cheap Budweisers (anymore)

    1. Kay, that’s what I’m here for: to get you started!

      I agree on the butts. With a filter, they never degrade. Ick.

      As an experiment (I always need data), I picked up a hundred butts one day (with a glove) on a 2 mile stretch on the same country road with the beer cans. The butts were concentrated near the roads which enter subdivisions where the drivers flick them out the window (still burning) on their guilty way home. Maybe when one does not care about polluting the air, it’s just a tiny nudge to also not care about littering.

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