apostrophe s

[Warning: This post contains intentional errors. Proceed with caution.]

The problem with decimal’s has propagated and now encompasses apostrophe’s, too. Unqualified human’s, who cannot spell or punctuate, are in charge of writing (or at least proof-reading) the sign’s. This is bad and its a spiral: can’t graduate ’cause can’t spell/read/punctuate so can’t get a job beside’s writing sign’s so sign’s are all completely wrong.

[Reread all of the preceding sentence’s. Do you see all of the apostrophe error’s?]

On the front door to a salon I saw a sign which says “Walk-in’s welcome.”  It makes me pensive; I’m sure there’s a typo. But which typo is it?

Apostrophe s either implies possession (as in Mary’s ankle) or acts as a contraction, a lazy ‘is’ (as in Mary’s stupid). Without the apostrophe, simply adding s to a word makes it plural (as in thirteen pickles).

So what’s (what is) up with this “walk-in’s” sign?

Perhaps it means only ONE walk-in IS welcome. (That would be a contraction.) If so, in this case, substituting the apostrophe for the little letter i wasn’t worth it.

It might be possessive: something which belongs to a person who walks in is welcome. As in ‘walk-in’s attitude or odor or brother-in-law are all welcome.’ In this case, the apostrophe saved a lot of effort. But it is still misleading and awkward and annoying. It’s (it is) likely that not everything which the alleged walk-in owns would actually be welcome. What if the walk-in brought a pet anaconda?

Nope. I don’t think this sign means either of these. I think they are trying to be welcoming to the masses of potential humans who might wander past on their way to pick up a pizza and suddenly have an urgent desire for a pedicure or bikini wax but don’t want to make an appointment. Walk-in’s in this sign means walk-ins with extra incorrect punctuation, a wasted apostrophe pulled from the linty pocket, extracted from the dusty, abandoned decimals. Signs like this make me twitch.

[If students are not at least mastering spelling and punctuation in thirteen years of school, what are they doing?]

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