my dogwood is a cherry tree and other disappointments

A year ago, for my birthday, I asked for a dogwood tree. Actually, I asked for FIVE dogwood trees but was informed that my request was excessive. Also, digging five holes in the clay was a lot of work. I should be happy with one.

I am easily satisfied. I saw the logic and the apparent gluttony in my request and decided I would be grateful for a single dogwood tree (to start) and went about plotting the perfect spot for it. I found it, right in the center of the front yard.

Dead center. Perfect.

The tree arrived, looking more like a stick than a tree. Charlie Brown would like it. Little tree got his roots planted and went about his summer business. It was well after the flowering season–how was I to know I’d been duped?

This week all of the dogwoods are blooming. Mine isn’t. And that’s because it is a cherry tree. (Disappointment number 1.)

This year for my birthday, I didn’t ask for a tree. I asked for running shoes. Just one pair. Pink. Adidas. They were ordered (bid upon) on Ebay. A second pair was also bid upon and, lo/behold, we ‘won’ both pairs. Talk about gluttony.

Pair number one arrived. They are walking shoes.

Pair number two, the bee-yoo-tee-ful pink ones, have been en route for four weeks. They are currently lost. The post office can ‘track’ them to either Atlanta, California, or West Columbia, but cannot figure out precisely where they are. When we call, they ask us to describe the box.

Mike about popped a blood vessel in his neck while he explained to them that he hasn’t yet SEEN the box, so he cannot describe it. (Disappointment number 2.)

This morning, during my lecture, I made two mistakes. Two isn’t bad, but they felt gigantic. Here’s why: I was being observed this morning. I know, I know, you say I’m observed EVERY morning by my two hundred students. They tape my voice. They take my picture. They monitor/observe my every move. But, this morning a professor was doing a peer review for me. Big deal, right? Well, actually, I’d like to make a good impression so that they ask me back again to teach. I love it. So, two mistakes felt massive. (Disappointment number 3.)

At the Cooper River Bridge Run Expo last Friday night, the vendors were giving away really good free stuff. My favorite free stuff was a little red plastic cheapo pedometer. It clicks like a pack of TicTacs in my pocket. I love it!

Today, the little bugger fell into the toilet.

At work. The dirty public toilet. Ick.

Such events, so random, make me ponder: what items am I willing to retrieve from a toilet with my hand?

This particular toilet is the only one on the third floor and serves three female faculty and fifty or more students a day. One dirty, overused pot, I say, but valuable, you would agree. I couldn’t really chance that my lovely little red cheapo pedometer might clog it upon flushing. This particular commode is much too valuable to so many women.

So I did it. I reached in and grabbed it and tossed it in the trash. I cannot wash my left hand enough. I think I’d like it boiled. (Disappointment number 4.)

And finally, in this boring day of mine, I took a picture to entertain you. Bojangles is at it again. This time, no decimal error, but they had some issues with the old letters. I was amused with the use of a cent symbol for the ‘c,’ so much so, that I missed the spelling error at least three days in a row.

Do you see it??? (Disappointment number 5.)


****April 12 update****

Somebody must’ve tried to help Bojangles by saying something helpful like “you spelled camaro with too many Rs.” Today, one of the Rs is gone–but they removed the wrong one. (So mad I didn’t have my camera!) Now there is a chance you could win a buncha money or a camrao!


3 thoughts on “my dogwood is a cherry tree and other disappointments

  1. Soooo I just typed you the best comment in the world and then pushed some magical button of hate and it disappeared into a black hole, also made out of hate. Hrmph. I will try again.

    You are hilarious!! I am having a bit of a hard time getting over the fact that you stuck your hand in a toilet (in a public toilet!!! I don’t think I even peed in a public toilet until I was like 20). Mom, that is gross, but very noble of you. If the person observing your class yesterday needed proof of your character, then I know precisely what anecdote you should share. Or, you know, not. If they need further proof of your competence, you could always give them your students’ tapes, pics, and Twitter feeds 🙂

    Love ya, Mama! Good writin’.

    1. Damn black hole, swallowing up your brilliant comment. That’s what black holes are made of, y’know. They are fueled by brilliant unspoken comments–the ones we didn’t think of ’til too late. The black holes eat ’em. No wonder yours got scarfed.
      Your second-draft comment was pretty good, though. 😀
      (Sorry to disgust you. I won’t hug you with my left hand. I’m still not talking to it, either.)

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